march

March came and went without a peep from me. It was a pretty busy month for us, and a stressful one as well.

Gavin started off our March birthday madness by turning five on the 6th. He had a Cars themed birthday (for the second year in a row- its what he wanted...) and tons of fun. Reagan and I came next, both sharing the 13th. She turned one and I turned twenty-seven. My birthday was pretty much overlooked in interest of hers. Originally that's how I wanted it, I just wasn't in the mood to celebrate. But once it happened, I was a little sad. It was also my first birthday without my grandma, and it was devastating to me. I missed being told that I was her favorite birthday present, and that I always had to keep her age a secret :) You see, her birthday is March 14th. She would have been eighty-seven. That was a particularly difficult day for me....

The relationship with the other half was really strained in March as well. I don't know what his issues were, but he was such a dick the entire month. It was soooooooo so draining. If he wasn't at work, he was moping upstairs in our room. I felt like a single parent, I was doing everything by myself. Things have gotten a little better since then, but not a whole lot. We did go to Las Vegas the other day, which was nice (I'll be posting about that separately). He had a good attitude while we were there, then switched right back to douche mode the literal minute we came back into town. 

Anyway, Las Vegas pictures/post soon, plus some of the pages from my 28 before 28 list/journal. I'm really excited to be doing one of these this year. When journals are involved, I just go crazy and get stuff done!

where have i been?

Once September hit, I kind of fell off the face of the earth. Sure, there were a few sporadic posts, but for the most part I wasn't around.

My grandma got really sick in September. She was having a hard time remembering things and could barely walk. I was helping take care of her, and even though I love my grandma, it was draining. As the months went on, she got worse. Lots of hospital stays, and the eventual move into an assisted living facility. She spent Christmas and New Years there, in that place full of crazy seniors. And on January 6th, 2011, she passed away. It still hurts me every single day, we were very close.

Other things weren't going well during that time either. I failed three of the four classes I took that semester, my relationship was getting overly annoying and I was thinking of leaving, I applied of lots of jobs and didn't get any of them.....it was stressful.

I told myself that I was going to make this blog a "happy" one, and not focus on the negative things. I wanted more readers, and I was hoping to make friends through this thing, like I've read happens on so many others' blogs. Well, trying to focus on the positive deprived me of an outlet to vent, because there weren't many positives in my life at that time. As for the friends.....well, lets just say that didn't work out. I've been so desperate to make them, I guess maybe I come off as weird or needy. In any event, blogging drained me too, because I couldn't deal with my own hypocrisy anymore.

I suspect I'll be back on this thing. Maybe not frequently, and it may not all be happy. But it will be for me, and that's really all that matters.